Sefton and Liverpool Women in Business

Don’t Mock What You Don’t Understand!

One thing that continues to infuriate me is people’s tendency to mock women who are being subjected to or have survived domestic abuse. You know, the people who put on silly voices, meant to imply stupidity, and say the reason the victims don’t leave their abusers is because “they love him”. The person who is mocking women who stay with abusive partners thinks they are too clever or too strong to fall into the same trap as the victim. They wouldn’t put up with any of that “crap”, they would be out of the door the first time, and besides, it doesn’t happen to people like them. It only happens to certain groups in society, you know, the poorer, less educated groups, that don’t know any better, and no one cares about them anyway, right?

It is also my experience and belief that there is a big percentage of society who, if they know that you are a survivor of domestic abuse, put you into the category of pushover. They assume that you let yourself be a victim, you know, like you had a choice, option a) lifetime of love trust and happiness, but you chose option b) lifetime of fear, anxiety and pain. And because on some level this particular group of society believe you made a conscious choice to live this life, they naturally assume you are weak, simple and easily manipulated. And someone who has been bullied by a partner seems to be an easier target to all the other bullies of this world. So they don’t need to treat you with as much respect as everyone else in society, because you don’t respect yourself, right?

And then finally, there is the group of people who bury their heads so deep in the sand they have dual Australian nationality! They don’t know much about domestic violence at all as they are fortunate enough to have never been affected by it, or they genuinely don’t realise it is affecting someone they love or know, someone they live near, someone they work with or someone they see at the shops, at church, or outside the school gates. They can be a combination all of the above. But somehow, they all believe domestic violence is nothing to do with them, nor will it ever be. They think there is tremendous help out there for women, if only they would help themselves, and in fact they are pretty confident that they recently donated money to some local charity or another that does something for those women. They couldn’t name the organisations that can help, they just know they exist. They couldn’t begin to tell you where the law stands on this sort of thing, or what powers the police have to act against abusers. They wouldn’t even know where to begin in offering advice to some poor woman who found herself in this predicament, but they are sure there is lots of help out there, and beside these women know where to go for help, right?

So, lets start at the top.

That’s right folks, us victims of domestic abuse sit there as a little girls in our bedroom, pillow cases behind our head as a pretend veil, dreaming of our wedding day, our beautiful gown, our lovely guests lined up outside the fairytale castle, the banquet of food, the horses and carriage, the music, the gifts and our adoring husband looking lovingly into our eyes while his clenched fist makes first contact with our cheekbone and eye socket, because we didn’t say the vows right. And you are so right, it’s because we just love him so much, and we are so scared of loosing him, that we will let him do whatever he wants just so we can keep this prize catch of a man. And naturally, us victims are all poor (since it is widely accepted this only happens to poor people), so automatically we aren’t very clever either, so we don’t know this behaviour is wrong.

And of course you are right, we clearly don’t deserve the same level of respect or care as other women, because we are poor and uneducated and we lack dignity and pride because of it. We just stand there and let these men hit us and bully us, and if we won’t help ourselves, why should good people like yourself take time out of your day to help us. It’s not like we stand up for ourselves, or get ourselves out of these situations, well why would we? We love them and we don’t know any better.

And finally, help. There is so much of it out there we wouldn’t know where to begin. It’s in abundance. And you know they take us aside in school, the poor, no hope pushovers, and give us a special lesson in where we can go for help if we can’t hack life as a battered woman! It is brilliant, they teach us how to get the police involved without getting our partner arrested, how to use all local government amenities to resource a new home for ourselves and our traumatised children when we have to leave our homes and all our belongings behind in the middle of the night. They give us all the information we could need on the local women’s refuges, and God knows they sit there twiddling there thumbs most of the time just waiting for one of us victims to get bored and decide we aren’t so thick after all. And then once we get all this help, and we are out of the situation, the poor thick thing kicks in again for many of us, and we go back to our abuser. Because we are so thick, we can’t help ourselves.

It’s not as if there could be another, more complex reason, right?

If you want to know what it is like to suffer domestic abuse, if you want to know what the journey is like once you leave an abusive relationship, if you want hope, or you need to know that you are not alone on this journey, if you would like to learn more and educate yourself about domestic violence to make yourself a better person, or to potentially help someone you know or love, if you want to understand what women go through, or educate your children, family and friends, and if you want to help break down the barriers that stop society talking openly about domestic violence, keep reading these blogs.

The government estimate 1 in 4 women will be a survivor during their lifetime of domestic abuse, so I can honestly guarantee you, that what you learn from these blogs, will serve you well one day.

Steph x

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

* = required field

HTML tags are not allowed.

* *

Website kindly donated by KL Web Limited